It may be your first holiday season since separation OR it may be that it’s your 2nd 3rd or more. No matter how many there have or haven’t been its hard! How does one build resilience to cope with, going it alone, over this period?

I know it’s a minefield trying to figure out what is best for your family when it comes to child support and who pays what and where to start with it all. It can cause a lot of unrest and heated debates when you are already going through turbulent times with your family. Don’t procrastinate. The longer you delay dealing with it the longer it will take to resolve.

I have come to realise that forgiveness in all aspects of life is so very important. Forgiveness means choosing to let go of all the things you are holding onto that no longer serve you. We all have things we need to let go of or moments we wish we could change; words we wished we hadn’t said.

Recognise those moments, forgive yourself by knowing on some level you have learnt from your mistakes or choices and that it’s all part of your emotional and spiritual growth.

Ending any type of relationship causes a certain amount of anxiety and stress, but leaving a marriage takes stress to a whole new level. If children are involved it can be up to two years of stress, often followed by bad communication, or what is referred to as temporary insanity (which happens to even the sanest of us out there during this time). Here are some general tips I have put in place and share with my clients as we go on our coaching journey together.

I hear people announce they are pregnant and starting a family or adding to family and my instant internal reaction is OH GOSH. On the outside I am genuinely happy for them but I always wonder, are you ready for the S*@! storm that comes with parenting? If you are adding to the brood, are you ready for an additional small person taking your life over even more so than you could ever imagine?

With the New Year brings…. goals, resolutions, new jobs, fresh starts, and changes to your family or living situation. There’s the good in all of the above forward focusing (planning a family/settling down, buying a new home together) …. And then there is the flip side….. Married or not, some of us wake up in the New Year (quite literally) and start to think about what is best for ME? And sometimes that makes many realise that often the relationship they are currently in is maybe not what is best after all!

I know most of the clients I have been working with over the past few months have already put in place, or are working towards putting in place, a parenting plan. What better time of year to do so than Christmas! Parenting plans cover all aspects of co-parenting, with one aspect of them being around special days like Christmas day, Birthdays, Mother’s and Father’s Day etc.

Failing relationships cost companies millions of dollars worldwide! Divorce has a high price tag worldwide. Lost revenue in both productivity and stress can all impact on work life both emotionally and financially. Separation and divorce will not only impact on employees but will also impact on employers.

– Yet make some kind of impact that we can grow and learn from! This happens to us all throughout our lives and a wise woman* (whom I will give credit to at the end of this blog post, as I am about to steal her wise words) has recently reminded me of the whys and how’s.

I have a personal reflection I would like to share with you, as these scenario’s come up often when I am coaching a client. Co-parenting a child has its challenges for all parties involved, but as I remind clients often – what is in the best interests of the child, what do they need? Or what is going to help them thrive as a wee individual?

The ending of any relationship is a long and lonely road for most. Unless of course you are ending one relationship and moving straight into another (that’s a whole other blog post!). Whether you chose to end the relationship or not, it’s still a hard issue to face head on. And often the loneliness drives some back into the arms of the person you we so determined to leave behind.

One thing going through a marriage separation has taught me, and many others who have gone through similar will agree, you really get to know who your true friends are when the chips are down! Moving through that discovery process for me, after a 15 year long term relationship came to an end and suddenly finding myself single and with ½ the friends I used to have has been a huge reality check for me and has made me do a lot of work on myself as well as look at my friendships with old, current and new friends in a whole different light!

Anger is a familiar emotion for many of us. Healthy anger tells us something is wrong – something painful or threatening that we must deal with. “It helps us protect ourselves, and lets us know when people are crossing our boundaries”, says Dr M. Chet Mirman (Ph.D.) as licensed clinical psychologist.Recognise those moments, forgive yourself by knowing on some level you have learnt from your mistakes or choices and that it’s all part of your emotional and spiritual growth.

How is the state of your relationship? Coming to the end of another year and beginning a New Year a lot of people start looking closely at their lives, their relationships and what makes them really happy. Being in a long term relationship isn’t always easy, it takes work. Before you decide your relationship isn’t working try these 5 tips to try and improve the quality of the relationship.